Tuesday, May 4, 2010

The Everyday...

I wanted to give a brief glimpse into a few things we've been doing here in the Carpenter household over the last several weeks...we have been very busy!

You can imagine the anxiety that filled the weeks and days before Easter...our first "real" holiday without our Graham. The thought of celebrating without him was devastating and very emotional. Knowing that I was not buying him and James matching Easter outfits gave me a constant pit in my stomach. I had thought of all of the things I would have filled his Easter basket with if he were here. It was so hard to know what to do...I didn't want to get him an Easter basket and yet I didn't want to NOT get him one...again, it just feels wrong...like he's being forgotten. I spent a lot of time out at his grave that day and wrote him a long letter. I am grateful for the meaning behind Easter because it is because Jesus died and rose again that gives us the hope of seeing Graham again someday and yet (I feel) it's the same God that didn't remind Graham to breathe on January 6th...you can imagine my many emotions during this time even as I recall it several weeks later. After James opened his Easter basket he said, "Mom, I bet Graham got an Easter basket in heaven and he's probably going to church just like us." He is so precious in the way he remembers and thinks about Graham.

We had an emotional, but nice time with the kids...watching them open their Easter baskets and hunt for eggs with their cousins and be reminded of the true meaning of why we celebrate Easter. Reminding James and Lauren too that because of His death and resurrection they will get to see their precious Grammie again too...

Who told this little man he could get so big? Oh my goodness, he looks so handsome
and grown up! This was at his preschool program, but I couldn't get the picture to move down with the others. After about 8 failed attempts, I decided it would have to stay right where it is!

We colored many Easter eggs, and a cute little striped shirt of Lauren's. (oops!)
And we ate a lot of eggs...


We have made a few trips to the fire station

James went the first time with just Luke and it was a neat experience for him. They were all so kind and accommodating. They let him do and see just about everything. He wears his firefighter outfit often and puts out fires with the house hose usually every day...

Lauren got in on the action the next time, but I didn't have my camera with me.
We went to the circus...

They were standing in line to ride the elephant. It was very neat. The circus was

great! We had great seats and were able to see the animals closely. I'm not going to lie, I had my
escape route all planned out in case the tigers or lions escaped. It involved Luke distracting them as we ran :) No really...I did have an escape route. They didn't get out though and we didn't need to use my plan...
James' Spring Preschool Program

Doesn't this picture just make you laugh?! I mean, if they were going to have him be a flower, couldn't they have given him like a blue or yellow flower! Pink...really? :)

My parents came to watch James' big performance and he was so proud!

The kids are doing well....we are spending lots of time outside playing in the sandbox, riding bikes, gardening, playing in the hose and just about everything else. What neat kids I have if I do say so myself! :)
They are so excited about our vacation to Florida. We are going to Disney (I've never been) and Gatorland. I'd like to take them to the beach as well, but we'll see how things are going down there. It is a very bittersweet time for us. We are so excited to get away and make some precious memories with James and Lauren and yet so saddened that Graham is not going to experience these memories with us. Please pray for me during this vacation and on Mother's Day. I'm thankful not to be home where I am even more surrounded and reminded of what we have lost, but will still have an incredibly emotional day. I'm so grateful for my 3 precious children...but I do wish that all three were here with me.

I will do an update on dealing with my life and grief. So many of you ask for updates, but the emotions that are involved in sitting down at writing out my jumbled thoughts and emotions is quite daunting. The last 3 weeks seem to have been some of my most difficult yet. I will update you all very soon! I hope you enjoyed our update on the kids. And again, please say extra prayers for us while we are away!

Love you all!