Shattered Hearts...

Our precious Graham William (a.k.a. Grammie, Gram-bam, Grammers, Wam-bam, Grambo,

G-man...) One month ago, our lives changed in an instant and forever...it came to a screeching halt and wreaked havoc in every direction. I kissed the kids goodbye at 4:39 p.m. and called my mom on the way to tutoring to tell her how blessed I was to have the life I did and how precious Graham was and how much I adored him. In that moment I felt I was the luckiest woman on the face of the earth. Luke laid Graham down for his evening nap like he had done countless times before. I came home from tutoring and went to wake him up to nurse him. I was horrified to find he was

not breathing and unresponsive. The events and emotions that followed are horrific and traumatic. A typical Wednesday evening instantly turned into the darkest days and moments of our lives....that night and the days and weeks following we have felt unspeakable and often times unbearable pain. I have cried more tears in the last month than I probably have in my entire life put together. I have felt pain and sadness that cannot be put into words. My body has ached and felt physical pain and torment because of my broken heart and spirit. I have struggled with the why's and the what if's and have wondered how this could have happened to us. When I wrote that blog entry a few months ago titled You're Gonna Miss This...I had no idea that I would be wishing with everything in me that I could turn back the clock, wishing I could somehow go back and change the course of our lives. I have found myself bargaining with God. I have thought about all the things I would give up and live without just to have him back in my arms. I have struggled with the idea that God "allowed" this to happen to my baby. I've questioned where He was that night. Why didn't he just save him? It would have been so easy. I've understood first hand the ugly reality that life is unfair...and quite frankly, that stinks terribly. It's horrible and cruel. That this situation was completely out of our control...I did everything in my power to

be the best mom to Graham, to love and care for him unconditionally, to give him everything he could have ever needed and wanted...and yet...that wasn't "enough." That's hard for me as a mom. Those of you who know me well, know that I live and breathe being a mom. I love it with every ounce of breath and life in me. I have always felt blessed and grateful for what we had. And yet, somehow I wasn't able to protect and save my own baby. I long for the past and yet have hope for the future.

Everywhere I look I am reminded of what we have lost...our dear Graham. I began finally putting some of his worn, but unwashed clothing in zip-loc baggies in attempt to save a piece of him. I have a blanket of his that I often hold tight while I weep. It smells greatly of him and yet a bit more of me is beginning to be left on it and I hate it. His smell is starting to fade...again the reality of the finality. James asked to move his car seat back up to the front in the van and I can hardly entertain the thought. Not that it's any better looking at an empty base, but again it's the finality of it all. It's the reminder that life is moving on. I don't know if that makes sense...it's weird...although I know he's not coming back, I somehow feel that in every piece that gets taken away or put away, is a reminder that's he's gone forever. I don't really want life to move on because I don't have my precious baby and I can't imagine how I will and yet I don't want it to stay like it is because the pain is inescapable and I know time will help heal the wound. One thing that has been very difficult as well is taking pictures of the kids. I love taking pictures, but it just seems so "wrong" to just be taking them of James and Lauren. I peek in on the kids at night and feel as though someone has kicked me in the stomach when I see Graham's bedroom door open...dark and quiet. "This isn't that way it was supposed to be!!!!"I think...I just want to scream...

I had thought so much about all the things Graham would get to do with us. I will never hear him tell me he loves me or feel his arms around my neck. He will never taste play-dough, play hide-n-go-seek with James and Lauren, or laugh uncontrollably while being tickled. I have a difficult time not dwelling on all of the things we will miss doing with him. No first steps, first birthday, first swim, first foods, first day of school, first date... Each day I think about what he would have been doing, how much he would have been changing. I long to hold him again, to feel him slobber on my arm, to change his dirty diaper, to wipe up the spit-up, to give him a warm bath, to talk to him, sing to him, nuzzle him and love him with everything in me.

I'm trying to be the mom to James and Lauren that I need to be...that they deserve...and that I want to be. It's hard...it takes everything in me to nurture, love, discipline, and teach them each day. They are my constant joy and I am so grateful for them. They are precious...my ray of light in the dark tunnel I am in. Shortly after we lost Graham, I vowed not to let my kids lose their baby brother as well as their mother. I am so grateful for the thousands of prayers and messages I have received. I do believe it is the prayers of many and by God's grace that I am able to get out of bed in the morning. The kids are doing well. James talks frequently about how much he misses Graham but has often times said, "God must have just been ready for Graham to go to heaven." He asks when he will come back and when we can go to heaven and see him. Lauren doesn't seem to quite comprehend it. She gets excited when she sees his picture or his things, but hasn't verbally acknowledged his absence. We have hugged and kissed balloons and sent them to heaven for Graham. James especially loves that.

We are so grateful for the outpouring of love, support, and prayers we have received from so many people. Thank you for standing by us right now when we have nothing to give in return. The pain is still so incredibly raw and the ache is overpowering. Right now I can't even imagine not feeling this way. We know we have a long journey ahead of us...and I'm sure at times an ugly one, but we will come through this...somehow...some way. I do believe we have a choice whether we decide to live and love freely again. I want to choose to do so and hope that in time I can and will.

Please continue to pray for us as we are still trying to adjust to this new normal which right now I hate with everything in me. Please pray for the kids as they continue to ask questions about Graham. Please pray for me as a mom as I continue doing and being the things I need to for James and Lauren. Pray for our marriage as we have been stripped of everything we grew accustomed to. It is going to take time for us to heal individually and adjust to this new norm together. Pray that we will have patience and understanding toward each other that we both so desperately need. Pray for my physical strength as well. I still don't have much of an appetite and get sick shortly after eating. This has really taken it's toll on my body physically. I feel as though I am a stranger...I hardly recognize myself. I have feelings and emotions I have never felt and my body is anything but "normal."

Through this tragedy we know we must cling to the hope that we will see him and hold Graham again someday...our precious Graham. We miss you so much...you hold such a large piece of our hearts. We can't wait to see you again someday. I have never been so anxious for heaven! In the meantime, we will do our best to honor you by the way we live our lives.

A brief recap and a few favorites...

We have been very busy over the last several weeks as many of you have as well...Here are just some of the things that have kept us busy. We have thoroughly enjoyed every minute of these holiday festivities and just being a family making many precious memories!!

Christmas Tree Shopping

We went to The Chief again this year for a tree, but it was absolutely frigid that night and despite our attempt to bundle the kids up, the wind was relentless. We found a tree....quickly...very quickly...
Poor James....it was C.O.L.D. I felt terrible for him. This was his face after 2 minutes out of the van...literally...Lauren didn't care as much, but this expression was frozen to her face the entire time.
James was reenacting the man cutting the trunk off with is own chainsaw version. It was pretty sweet. Look closely and you can see Luke's big, work glove on too. His hand is in there somewhere ;)
I love watching the kids decorate the tree. Although, there were about 25 bulbs in a 5 inch radius :) We left it like that until we hosted Christmas. I figured I'd spread them out a bit.

Cooking Baking....We didn't do our annual cookie baking party with my sisters and the kids this year. It has just been a crazy kind of year. The kids loved doing everything with me and I sure enjoyed it although I had to pick out a few egg shells and had a lovely dusting of flour all over me.
Almost the favorite part....the frosting, sprinkles, and eating of the cookies won by a bit.

Christmas Eve in their new Christmas JammiesThis picture sums up what these 3 precious kiddos look like many times. James and Lauren are constantly lovin' on Graham. He is one lucky, little boy!

Lauren giving Daddy his good morning kiss on Christmas morning.Christmas morning family picture right before opening presents. The self-timer did a pretty good job!

Ahhh...the snow fun!!!!!
James got a new "James size shovel" as he calls it for Christmas and was thrilled that we drove home in a blizzard and he was able to use it. He has shoveled the driveway many times over the last few weeks!

Lauren loved being pulled in the sled and they enjoyed going down the hill in the back yard. I wasn't able to trek through the snow to get pictures of that...hopefully soon.

They have built 3 snowmen, just to be destroyed when they are finished. I guess that's a boy for ya and a girl who follows everything her brother does ;) So much fun and such great memories!


Last, but not least....my sweet, precious baby boy turned 3 months! Wow, it truly does go faster with every baby! LOVE HIM!!!!!

He smiles and talks to us lots and lots. He would prefer to be entertained by one of us than a toy. The kids both get so excited when the see the monitor lights blinking because that means he is up. And when he fusses they take turns trying to bring him different toys. It's really one of the most precious sights for me as a mama.

He loves his fists and hands. He knocks out his pacifier to get to them. They're often times pink from being sucked on...

Lauren has just become a little mommy to Graham. She loves to snuggle with him, give him things, and tries to pacify him when he's upset. He has brought us so much joy. We're dealing with some minor bumps right now. He's pretty small, so we're trying to supplement a bottle each day of formula to see if that increases his weight. But, he vomits terribly when he takes a bottle. We're trying to figure out if it's the formula or the bottle. We are getting ready to try reflux medicine as well...he doesn't sleep well at all and we don't know if that's due to his size or anything else that's going on...Pray for us if you think of it. It's tough to know how much to push and when to continue asking questions and try new things. He is just the best! I adore him!!! :)

We are so blessed by fantastic family who love and support us, great friends, healthy, vibrant kids and an awesome God who we celebrate during this season. We have so much to be grateful for.

Happy Birthday "Meesh"

In case you are wondering about the name "Meesh," Lauren's middle name is Michelle and quite a while ago we started calling her Lauren Meeshelle, which James somehow picked up on and started calling her Meesh or Meeshy. It has just sort of stuck and I think it's rather endearing. I especially love hearing James refer to her that way!

Yes, it's true...our baby girl turned 2 on the 25th of November! I cannot believe it! It is going quickly and it seemed she literally grew up overnight especially once Graham was born! We had a fun tropical fish themed birthday party for her and believe it or not I have a lot of pictures, but none that are that great! It was tons of fun, but there were LOTS of people and kids and Lauren was never sitting still OR facing the camera! uggg! So, here are a few of my favorite shots taken in the last few weeks!

Her birthday breakfast....one of her favorites...pancakes and a side of apple ju-ju (apple juice)

We had a few days of sunshine and the kids got in a good hour of playing outside. One of her favorite things to do is push the stroller around outside. She's a happy girl!

Last but not least...one of her 2 year pictures that Darcy took. Most of you have already seen them, but this is one of my favorites. It shows her spunky little personality and also how much she is starting to look like a "young lady." Wow...just love this girl!

Here are some special things about Lauren at 2:

-she loves reading books by herself and being read to. She will often times crawl up on laps with a stack of books and sit through them all

-she loves food!!! This girl can pack away the food but you'd never know it by looking at her. She's a tiny one (in the 97% for height and 10% for weight) At this rate she could be a supermodel ;)

-she still hates veggies and can find them in anything and in any form. We've hid them well and she will be chewing, spit out everything in her mouth, pick out the veggie then put the rest back in her mouth. It's awful!!!

-she loves candy! We have to hide my tutoring basket which she has robbed many times and my purse because she will dig through it in search for gum!

-she loves to laugh and everything is a game (which has its pros and cons)

-she is a hairtrigger! She has been known to clear things off an entire table in a matter of seconds without a seconds notice. (we're working on that)

-she's very stubborn. She would rather miss out on something to stick it to us, than to give in and do what she needs to do to get it (like say please).

-she's been in time out more by the age of 2 than James has in almost 4 years :) Seriously...

-she loves her daddy....she will often times take her blanket to him and snuggle up on his lap for a long time!

-she loves to set up animals and play with James. That is until James doesn't think she is doing it right ;)

-she is very dramatic! This may just be a girl thing, but WOW she is so different than James as far as her emotions are concerned.

We just love her to pieces and will continue doing our best to mold her in to the young lady God wants her to be!

Trick or Treat

Well, we braved the wind and cold again to show off our cutie-patooties and gather some sweets. We thought they were just precious! And for the record, both of my kids dodge the camera when they see it coming out, so I don't have many great pictures of them. I think I'm going to dress them back up and get some more ;) They'd love that! HA!

Our little ladybug...

And the policeman....Both of those pictures of the kids was within the first 10 minutes BEFORE their noses were bright red and they couldn't feel their fingers.

How pitiful is she. I'm pretty sure her hands were frozen around her basket and yes those are Easter baskets. I have an excuse though; the little, plastic pumpkins were sold out everywhere and this was James' solution. I tried to talk him out of it. :) Really? Collecting Halloween candy in our Easter baskets?

We had a great time, but we only made it half-way around the neighborhood when Lauren started shivering uncontrollably and James started crying, so we went home, warmed up and headed to Grandma and Grandpa's for the rest of the evening. It was fun and memorable! We all end up at G&G's when we're done trick or treating and they give them treats and the cousins play. It's a great tradition!

Graham even got in on the fun. He was a red, hot chili pepper. I thought it was just precious! He obviously isn't quite so sure...

He's had enough! Graham and Lauren both loved his little outfit! :)

The Pumpkin Patch (twice)

So, for the last couple of years, we have taken the kids to get a pumpkin and enjoy the fall festivities that come with the pumpkin patch...hay rides, wagon rides, popcorn, apple cider, etc...This year was particularly difficult to find a time to go because it has been so cold and rainy. So, a few weeks ago when we had those beautiful days, we packed up the kids after an early dinner and took them to the pumpkin patch. Well... it was closed. ARGGG! It had closed a half hour before we got there. We knew we couldn't go home because the kids were anticipating a fun filled evening. So, we played at the orchard for quite a while. It worked out well because the kids played on the tractor in the hay and ran around and we didn't have to worry about staying out of people's way. So fun... Here are a few pictures from our first attempt...

Love this picture of James!

Boys being boys...

Doesn't miss Lauren look so grown up here? She had a blast running around...NO BOUNDARIES=HAPPY LAUREN! ;)

Graham even got in on his first fall activity. He slept in the car most of the time.

Pumpkin Attempt Take 2:

1 word for this morning out- FREEZING! It was cold and windy, but we bundled the kids up and ventured out for the perfect pumpkin. Here they are...oh and there was mud...lots and lots of mud!

The hay ride was by far the favorite event for the kids. Lauren laughed hysterically the entire time. If you are wondering what that rather large bundle is in my jacket, don't worry I'm not smuggling a pumpkin. It's Graham in the baby Bjorn. He stayed very warm in there and slept the entire time despite the incredibly bumpy tractor ride.

The "perfect" pumpkin
James is into these super, goofy faces right now for the camera. So, this is his happy face.

Here's a better shot of what was stuffed in my coat...a sweet, baby boy! :) We had such a great time and made great memories. It was worth the bitter cold the second time around. And just for the record, after braving the wind and cold for a pumpkin, carving or "guarding" it as James calls it didn't fair so well. As soon as we cut the top off and started to pull out he insides, James started dry heaving terribly. Yep, our weak stomach child couldn't take the sight or the smell. I couldn't stop laughing. Lauren enjoyed it a bit more. James left the table never to return to the pumpkin..Oh well...there's always next year!

You're Gonna Miss This...

You're gonna miss this, you're gonna want this back

You're gonna wish these days, hadn't gone by so fast

These are some good times,

Take a good look around,

You may not know it now

You're gonna miss this...

This is one of my favorite songs right now by Trace Adkins. If you don't know it...you have to find it! It's the best and I just LOVE it! You all

know I don't need a reminder about savoring each day and moment with my kids, knowing

it's all going to go way too quickly...I'm a real sap like that, but I'm trying to relish even

the everyday, mundane, sometimes monotonous "duties" that come with

being a mom. Sometimes our kids want us to do things that we have done "a million times before" or when we just sat down, but we know they are going to grow up and that we would do anything to do the little things just one more time... (I'm teared up as I'm writing this. I told you I'm a sap. I'm ridiculous!)

These are some things I/we want to enjoy every day...even though sometimes I'd rather be doing something else...

-building countless animals fences, barns, and hospitals

-feeding them various things such as grass and green pepper

-reading Shiver Me Letters and Guess Who I Am 10 times a day

-making countless play dough snakes, pizzas, and bird's nests

-giving bucking bronco and piggy back rides until my back hurts

-playing hide and go seek and pretending every time that I'm shocked James and Lauren found me ;)

-eating breakfast, lunch and dinner together...even though sometimes I feel like all I do is prepare and clean up meals

-playing Gone Fishin' even though trying to catch the fish on that little pole annoys me!

-answering MANY questions about things that sometimes I don't have a clue about

-looking for raccoons, deer, cows, and horses anywhere and everywhere we go

-stopping to look at the horses and buggies even if I'm dying to be home

-building forts and tents of various shapes and sizes

-putting together the same puzzles

-blowing on bellies

I try and cherish each day with the kids. Some days I'm better at it than others. I've been reminding myself to do it more especially with 3 little ones now, I'm trying to stop

and enjoy the little things even more because let me tell you...it's busy! I believe I have

the best job as well as the most important job on earth!
Here are a few pictures of some of the things I don't want to miss out on...

James and Lauren destroying the house, but having a BLAST and using their imaginations!

More imaginations being used...even though my first thought was, "Really...can't we just leave the seat alone?" They had everything imaginable in this seat...books, clothes, blankets, stuffed animals...


This is my favorite...Luke gives James and choice every night of how he wants to get to the bathroom to brush his teeth. James always asks to be hung upside down. Then Luke brings him to me and I blow on and tickle his belly...every. single. night. It gets old and at one point Luke was done with it, but he said, "When he's 19, I'm going to wish I could swing him by his feet just one more time." (And I'm teared up again...)

You can't see her feet, but she has one my high heels...Love it! In a few years, this won't be "cool" at all...

He won't be this small forever...savoring these newborn snuggles

This was a long post...but my challenge to you mommies out there is to enjoy the little things with your kiddos today even if you want to be doing anything but what you are doing. Remember, You're Gonna Miss This... what would you give just one more time to do with your kiddos? Tell me...

He's Here...

Yep...I did say HE...Graham William was born at 4:55 p.m. Wednesday, September 23. He weighed 7 pounds 10 ounces and was 21 inches long. I just can't get enough of him!!! He's just precious! My delivery went really well and I didn't have to be induced. I was given one dose of cytotec and 12 hours later went into full-blown labor. The delivery was PERFECT and I only pushed for less than 25 minutes!!! And thankfully it was a quick delivery because the cord was wrapped around his neck pretty tightly. Thankfully he was fine, but he was an ashy color and didn't cry for a bit which is really scary for a mamma. Within the hour he perked up fine and has been just perfect ever since! The kids love him, especially James which hasn't surprised me one bit. It's been funny, he thinks he's going to see him grow up like...NOW. He asked me over the phone last night if he had his teeth yet? I couldn't help but just laugh. Lauren is good with him when she pays attention to him, but she's just been doing her own thing. She hasn't seemed too
jealous yet which is great! The kids have been with Luke's parents this week and I miss them terribly! I can't wait to have us all home together although it has been a HUGE help! Here are the pictures of our little man. This was right before leaving for the hospital. Going to have a baby!!

Here he is

We were so proud and shocked that our little Graham was a boy!!

James just loved him!

Here we are as a family

I can't get enough of our snuggle time

Here he is...wide awake!

LOVE HIM

This is the closest Lauren has gotten to Graham!

We are so grateful and feel so blessed to have another healthy baby! I'm so happy andcontent with all I have!

The Zoo

Luke and I have been wanting to take the kids to the Ft. Wayne Zoo all summer, but our weekends have just been too full. I decided it was now or never since we have a baby coming in less than 2 weeks. So, I asked Luke's parents if we could all go when I stayed with them this last weekend. It was perfect! We had such a great time. Little Miss Independent a.k.a. Lauren, isn't in as many pictures because she wanted to be out and walking and not riding in a stroller. Therefore, she was eating many snacks while looking at the animals.

We rode the train which was lots of fun and both kids enjoyed that. In fact, I would

have preferred taking the train around the entire zoo! ;)

Lauren enjoyed the farm animals because she could get up close and personal with them.

We opted not to go into the goat pen because they were mauling the other people in there. A bit much for the kids...they were content with petting them through the gate.

This was the BEST part of the entire zoo (at least I thought). James got to feed

a giraffe. It was amazing to be that close to them. It scared him the first couple of

times when the giraffe stuck out that tongue to get the lettuce. He just thought it was great!

He even got to play some bongo drums....another highlight of his day!

This was the end of a very long, fun time at the zoo. Lauren was a few hours past nap time and we were all spent! Thank you Grandma and Grandpa for a great day!

Where has time gone??

So, James had his first day of preschool yesterday and what can I say, he LOVED it!

We had debated sending him to school this year since he has 2 years before kindergarten,

but thought he would not only enjoy it, but benefit from it. You all know well how much

James loves his mama...and being with his mama...all the time. I was a bit apprehensive

of how he'd do, but he was a CHAMP! He was so looking forward to going and got right out of the van, said he loved me, and walked away. I was shocked, but pleased. No tears or anything.

Well...from James that is. I cried a bit and thought, "This is it..."

Here he is ready to leave the driveway. He was annoyed that I wanted ANOTHER picture.

This is terrible lighting, but I couldn't resist the picture. This was baby right before

heading out the door for his first day of preschool.

He loved painting and snack time. He liked painting and being a firefighter. He said he liked painting

because they got to wear "big daddy shirts" so they wouldn't get paint on their clothes. I loved hearing that! He could even tell me several of the names of kids in his class and who he shared

toys with. I can't believe he is growing up so quickly...I need to stop blogging now or I might get all emotional again!

Hard At Work...

So, I told you all in my last house that we were working on some internal transformations and I'm glad to inform you they are finally FINISHED! (well...almost....some of the trim needs to may its way back on the walls). Bless Luke's heart he worked for 3 1/2 days straight...literally...with like 6 hour sleep breaks to complete the ceramic tile! Wow, was that time consuming. I don't think we would ever do that large of a space again, but we LOVE it and it looks great! Here are a few pictures of the changes. I only took one of the before...I know...terrible...but it was kind of an afterthought. We also got new carpet and I picked out some new decor...it's like a whole new house!!!

The "before" picture. I've always hated this awkward wood design that was supposedly a transition from the kitchen to the living room. Luke has always said he was sure the builders were covering something up and BOY WAS HE RIGHT! We found all sorts of mishaps underneath that awkward wood design.

Here is the view coming into the front door....

Looking toward the front door. This is the best angle of the tile (I think). Luke did a great job!

Here is some of my new wall decor which I also love!

*************

And another new addition to our house is simply because I have the BEST in-laws ever!

Yes, you read that correctly....they are great! And this picture proves it! This last weekend the kids and I spent the weekend at their house while Luke worked on the flooring. I have been

sleeping miserably lately and my emotions proved it! They had gotten a new mattress set in Luke's old bedroom
that I got to "try out" for 2 nights and my sleep was 100% better...

So...literally 8 hours after I returned home with the kids, my in-laws showed up with an entire new mattress set for us/me hoping I would sleep better. Is that amazing or what?!?
It wasn't in stock in the Ft. Wayne or Elkhart stores, so they drove all the way to South Bend

to pick it up!

This picture doesn't show it's true height. Luke said I should've taken a picture with a yard stick next to it. It's almost 36 inches high.

The only trick is the size...it's SO TALL! I tried to get some pictures to show you just how tall it really is. I'm still getting used to getting in and out of bed. I have to roll out right now with this belly right now ;) (And yes, that is a baseball bat underneath the bed...I am paranoid about intruders and I'm sure to ward them off with that!?! That...and the Ab-roller next to it!)

Give me your best guess...

Well, we are keeping very busy as usually friends. I am trying to do as many things with the kids that I can since I know it will be much more difficult once we have our third. I am officially in nesting mode...poor Luke is probably grateful I didn't nest quite like this with the other 2....Here are the major changes we have made/are making:

-Luke traded in his BMW for a minivan...poor guy...yes, that's right readers...a minivan. Yes, I swore

I'd never drive one and we avoided it at all cost, but it was really the only option and

guess what? I like it...a lot!

-We painted our entire upstairs (finally)

-We are getting new carpet (HOORAY) many of you know what an eye sore that has been for me

-And....drumroll....we are redoing our kitchen and laundry room floor. Oh, I'm so happy!

I am going to feel like I'm in a new house (well except for the whole space issue).

Someone asked me if we had the 7 year marriage itch we we don't at all, but my goodness we

are making a lot of changes! Everything (Lord willing) should be finished before the newest

munchkin arrives...

Little Lake Fun

James had a great time giving himself a glorified spa treatment of a sand bath. He had so much fun covering himself and then washing off.



I'm sorry for the organization of my pictures. I have NO idea

what has happened and how to fix them so I'm leaving them just the way they are. We took the kids to a little beach over the weekend and had such a great time! This is the first time Luke has gone with me when we've taken the kids to the beach. We had such a great time playing and being a little family. I loved every second of it...well, other than the fact that toward the end I was light headed and short of breath ;(

Luke made them their own water holes which they both just loved playing in. Lots of other kids thought they were cool too and tried to join them a few times.












Always fun watching them together.

Pregnancy Pictures-3rd times the charm...
My favorite photographer (Darcy) who has taken the pictures on several other occasions did my pregnancy pictures. She got LOTS of them and there are some really neat ones. I am including some of my favorites, but if you want to see all of them I will have to send you the web album.

My belly is ginormous! I do love that she got so many pictures of Luke and I together. After all...he is the baby-daddy :)

James is usually loving on my belly many times throughout the day. When it came to picture time there were too many other things he wanted to do like hunt for turtles.

This was the most difficult any family picture has ever been to get. The kids, especially Lauren, didn't have any interest in sitting long enough to get a picture. So...this is the best we could do. It's so "them" and so "us."

So, I am 35 1/2 weeks...YIKES! I cannot believe that the birth of this baby is literally right around the corner. I get scared every so often, but we're excited. I am officially entering the uncomfortable stage. Bending down or having the kids sit next to me while I read them books/jab, poke, and crawl on my belly is agonizing. I don't remember it being this difficult last time around. Sleeping is officially impossible, but other than that I really do feel good!

So.....I'm taking a poll since who knows when I will post again... What do you think the sex of this baby is? Be sure to leave a comment and give me your opinion. I've always thought girl. My sister said based on the torpedo coming out of my stomach...she thinks it's a boy :) Happy guessing!

Oh July...how I love you...

July is a great month for many different reasons: first of all, it's the month we got married which makes it the BEST, it's blueberry pickin' time, it's pool time, and it's fair time! These are some of the favorites in the Carpenter household and they all happen in the month of July...

7 Years and going strong...

I cannot believe it has been 7 years since I married this man! Wow...words cannot describe the joy that I have and the journey we have experienced...here we are 7 years later, 2 3/4 kiddos and happier than I could have ever imagined I could be...really...I am constantly reminded of the man God has given me and how grateful I am for everything he is and everything he does for us. He's the best! I know the next 7 years are only going to get sweeter...and busier...and bigger...And an fyi..do you know how we spent our anniversary? At the Elkhart County 4-H fair. Ha...does that mean we are rednecks???

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Blueberry Pickin'

I love picking blueberries...this year I thought it would be fun to take the kids along with me so they could help. James and Lauren both enjoyed it thoroughly...at least Lauren did for the first 10 minutes and it was all down hill from there. Our strong willed child was displaying and extremely strong will that entire weekend and weekend (I cried many times). Therefore, we only picked 2 lbs. of blueberries...yes...a measley 2 pounds! It won't make many pies or cobblers and really wasn't even worth the effort, but James had a great time and Lauren enjoyed eating them for a bit. We'll try again next year...

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It's Fair Time...

If you remember last year friends, we made many trips to the fair really so the kids could enjoy the animals. This year was no different except Luke made me promise to keep my camera home all but once...Yes, I know sheer torture for those of us scrappers...but it drives him nuts when I'm trying to catch the perfect shot and it doesn't help that my camera is ginormous...needless to say I didn't get pictures of James eating the giant corn dog or us feasting on elephants ears and Dairy Bar ice cream, but trust me...we did...and it was all delicious!

James and Lauren both LOVED the animals. We spent a great deal of time in the various animal barns. James enjoyed feeding the horses their hay. We even got to see some of the baby piglets being born.. that was really neat!

Grandma and Grandpa Carpenter came down one evening to go the fair with us and we had a great time! The kids even rode a few rides...Lauren wanted to ride more, but she wasn't tall enough for most of them which she wasn't real happy about. If she could talk I'm pretty sure she would have given those carnies a piece of her mind!

They loved this little train ride and we sure enjoyed watching them laugh and giggle at each other as it went around the track.

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Pool fun

My kids sure love being outside, but since it hasn't been that warm we haven't spent as much time in the pool and sprinkler as we did at the beginning of the summer. Here they are at G&G Bogue's. James' goggles crack me up...

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Just because I love the way they play...
So this picture has nothing to do with the month of July except it they have been playing in the dryer many days during July. They are so fun to watch. Often times it's Hide and Seek, but the other night Lauren decided to join James in there. I just think it's funny and sweet. Nothing sweeter than watching and listening to your kids play together. And just think...in less than 8 weeks we will have another munchkin in the mix of things!!! YEAH!!!

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32 weeks and still growing....

And here is the 32 week belly shot. I'm having my maternity pictures taken so so I will be sure to blog those as well... It's coming quickly! I cannot believe it!

Capturing Moments

These are the pictures I had taken of the kids a couple of weeks ago that I promised to let you see. Here they are: I just LOVE the way my friend Darcy was able to capture the moments, quirks, and personalities of and between James and Lauren. These are just several of many (110 to be exact) that are some of my favorites. Enjoy scrolling through them!

I love how big and blue her eyes look in this picture

This is the sweet smile I think of when I think about James...this is the same smile he gets on his face when I ask him if he knows how much I love him...

We had trouble getting a picture with the two of them together. Lauren wasn't real interested in James getting "too close" therefore James wasn't interested in being batted away by her. :) This one is just endearing....it's sums up the relationship I hope these two always have...




I love this face and the fact that we "have" it. She makes this a lot...especially when she
sees something she likes.

I love this one too...anything James does, Lauren does. She has so many of the same interests and bents that he has...So cute...

Have a great week! I will post again soon!

Summer FuN!!!!

Chicago...

We set out a few weeks ago for Chicago on the South Shore Train hoping to spend the day at Shedd Aquarium. For the most part, all went as planned...James enjoyed the train ride (although it was long!) and he enjoyed the animals at Shedd (for about 30 minutes...yep...you read that correctly...but we know James' attention span is short, so we weren't too shocked), ate at McDonald's, fed the ducks, rode the water taxi, skipped a nap, and had some of his favorite people with him for the entire day: Mommy, Daddy, Grandpa Carpenter, and uncle Andrew. It was a really fun, exhausting day! We hope to take James back to the aquarium when he's a little older and when there aren't hundreds of people there.

Here we are on the water taxi...we WALKED to Navy Pier from Shedd (about 4 miles) and it was good exercise, but we opted to take the water taxi back...Thank the Lord because I might have gone into labor... ;)

One of James' favorites parts of the day was feeding the ducks all of his snacks ;) Of course we needed to go to Chicago to do that! ;)

He finally fell asleep about 10 minutes from home. It was sweet. I'm not going to lie...I enjoyed every second of my sleeping "baby."
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Imagination Running WILD

So, we have had the joy of seeing and hearing James' imagination run wild these days...and it is SO much fun. Here is just one of the many pictures I have of James letting his mind run wild...Here is the scenario, so please let yourself imagine with him...

Here he is on his motorcycle (a.k.a. hot wheels) with his helmet (a.k.a. gas mask) on...on his way to work. He has on his work jeans (it was 90 degrees that day) and his work shoes. After work he was going to give plasma and then he said he would be home. Usually he rides with the gas make covering his face and I literally cannot stop laughing. You should see people looking at him as they drive past...PRICELESS! He tells me all about what he does at work all day and that he will be home later. One day I said, "I'm going to miss you after you are at work all day. When are you going to see me?" He said, "I will see you for 2-5 minutes mom..." So precious...

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Keeping Cool in this Heat....

So the last few weeks have been HOT and you all know how much my kiddos LOVE to be outside and how easily I get warm and sweat, so the fact that it was 85 degrees by 10:00 a.m. , I have raging hormones and am carrying about 18 extra pounds has been tough for me. I run through the sprinkler and sit in the kiddie pool (sorry....no pics of that..hee hee). We have been trying to do things that involve allowing me to fully immerse my preggo body in the water. Last week we spent a few hours at the lake with some friends and it was p-e-r-f-e-c-t! Lauren loved it! She just floated in this the entire time! And James enjoyed every second of the water...I was a bit unsure how he'd do, but he loved it. He has told me many times since then that he wants a lake! :) We will get right on that James!

My water babies...

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Last, but not least...my ever growing belly....

Here is a picture of me at 28 weeks! I am getting BIG!

I'm getting to that uncomfortable stage where it's tough to get off the couch quite as easily or bend down quickly and I have found my belly running into things that I "think" I can squeeze through. I haven't been sleeping real well at night either...it is coming quickly....James asks frequently when the baby is going to be here and has been taking care of his "own" baby. One night he stayed up til 11:15 "feeding" the baby. He is going to be such a big help! Right now we are trying to finalize a vehicle... (which I think will end of being a minivan) Yes, laugh at me all of you who know me so well...I said it... a MINIVAN!!!! It's a tough decision....

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I have beautiful pictures of the kiddos that my friend Darcy took, but I am not sure how to get them off of my computer where they are at now and onto my blog, so I will post again soon...PROMISE ...and with that I will update you on my sweet little 19 month old fireball, Lauren.

Don't give up on my blog readers! ;)

I have failed as a blogger....

I know I'm failing miserably as a blogger...why do I wait SO long to blog? I always have too many pictures and I never want to put them all on, but I still have L.O.N.G. posts every time. Again...this is just a random assortment of a few things we have been doing over the last few weeks.

We are outside....ALL THE TIME...no really. We head out about 8:45 after breakfast and usually don't come back in until it's time for lunch and then we head back out until nap time, again after nap time until dinner, and after dinner until bath and bedtime. Really....we are NEVER inside. The kids love being outside and I do too. Unfortunately, my housework takes a major back seat during the warm weather months. Oh well...I'm enjoying time with the kiddos. Here is one of their new toys thanks to their Great Aunt Karlo. Matching cow bouncers. The kids enjoy them and Lauren especially likes when James falls off his. She laughs hysterically almost falling off herself.

I LOVE this picture of the two of them looking at each other....they truly are great buds!

Lauren enjoys being outside and following James around doing many of the things he does. One thing she especially enjoys is playing in the wagon. She climbs in and out, buckling the buckles, and putting the seats up and down.

This guy is just happy he's outside...nothing else matters to him!

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And...I turned the big 2-9 on the 21st. My girl friends took me out for a night of fun and pampering. We got pedicures, Italian food, and they took me to the most AMAZING scrapbooking store! It was a perfect night! They're the BEST!

Then a couple nights later, my sisters and mom took me out for a great birthday dinner and gifts without kids...this is a first....and we really enjoyed a dinner where we got to be completely selfish and do nothing for anyone except ourselves. I think I eat more when I don't have kids with me ;) We had a fantastic time. I have had a blessed 29 years on this earth!

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Memorial Day Weekend
at Grandma and Grandpa Carpenters We began the hunt for critters. Luke and his brother used to look in ponds by their

house for critters...crawdads, turtles, frogs, etc....Luke thought James would enjoy it too,

so Andrew, Luke, James and I begun our hunt....it was LOTS of fun. I enjoyed watching

James' enthusiasm as they spotted and captured many critters. We walked away

with 9 crawdads, 2 turtles, and a clam. What an adventure it was! We brought them home

with us and they are in an aquarium. And one of our crawdads had babies...lots of them! James has asked if they could take a bath

with him...funny boy...He loves them and checks on them frequently. He has already talked

about going back. I'm sure we will make a trip to the ponds and creek each time we visit

Grandma and Grandpa Carpenter.

Here he is bravely on a rock looking for crawdads. (yes, that is a pool skimmer) ;)

I love how patient Luke is with James...
My heart always swells with love and excitement when I see James and Luke doing these fun

father-son adventures. I just LOVE it! (I'm sure you couldn't tell by this post)

Here is one of the little turtles...it's so cute...James is learning to be very gentle with it.

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Our Lu-Lu

Our precious girl is officially one and a half years old! WOW!!! I will say what I always

say too...she continues to fill our hearts and home with joy and lots of laughter. The girl just wants to laugh....all the time....life is a big party to her!

We are enjoying her fun personality and how she interacts with us and James. She is a little social bug. If she's sees kids out in the neighborhood, she brings us her shoes, sits down, and begins squealing with delight. She is just precious! We can't get enough of her....

Checking In...

Hello family and friends...it's me again...we are continuing to keep very busy and are enjoying the nice weather daily. Here are a few family updates. Enjoy!

James has started swim lessonsand hated them...he cried the entire 45 minute session during the first week and hated when they forced his underwater. They had me go upstairs to watch so he wouldn't make a mad dash for me. For all of you moms, you know how difficult it is to watch your child MISERABLE while doing anything. This is the look of one very exhausted little boy...mostly from crying (hard) for an entire 45 minute swim class. He just wanted to get home!
This is the face of my brave little guy at week 2...somehow...miraculously...he was "happy" the entire class even when he had to go underwater. He was so proud of himself and asked to get McDonald's afterwards to which I promptly replied, "You bet. Anything you want." ;) I hope that tonight and the rest of his lessons go this smoothly. It was nice getting to watch him poolside. Things like this can be really scary and difficult for James and I am so proud of him for persevering! This is the first of many for the rest of his life...
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Our 17 month old Sweetie Pie

Yep, here she is....getting bigger and better! She loves to do everything James does including ride his go cart, so Luke fixed this little motorized 4 wheeler and yep...she rides it...and loves it! She seems so big to me when she does these kinds of things! She has continued to be such a joy...feisty, but with LOTS of personality and we LOVE it!

She loves to laugh, loves to be outside, is a picky eater, HATES when I leave her, loves

her daddy, loves her brother a lot, loves animals and books, and loves playing in the

sandbox. She is continuing to say and repeat a lot of words and we're enjoying that

a lot.

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And... here is my 21 week belly....

It's betting big...quickly...I have an ultrasound on Friday and we are very excited. I just want to know everything is ok...you mamas can relate...we ARE going to be SURPRISED this time with the sex of the baby and that is exciting for me! I feel great...big already...but great! James hugs my belly all the time and tells me he is going to take care of me. So sweet. The baby is moving a lot and James got to feel it last night which he thought was pretty cool. It's such an incredible reminder of the life that is growing inside of me...so incredible!
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Luke's job is going well...I know I don't update on him too much. He has beeen
supervising and enjoying it a lot. I'm so happy for him.

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I have kept very busy tutoring this school year and those of you who know me well know that I have been looking forward to the break of the summer... Well....that's not going to happen. Although I'm grateful for the opportunities... I had 2 phone calls over the weekend in a matter of 20 minutes and added 4-6 hours a week of tutoring this summer. That puts me right around 8-10 hours a week this summer...That's a lot! A lot of lesson planning and prepping. Thankfully some of that is going to be done during the kids' nap time so I won't be missing out on time with them...that's VERY important to me. I have had several people that have said they passed on my information to others, so I guess I just have to decide what my limit is of kids. When I started tutoring, I never dreamed it would become this "big." Again, I feel very grateful especially in this difficult economic time.

Easter Weekend

What a fun weekend! The kids have been fighting a sinus infection that has lasted FOREVER...but in the midst of that we had some fun events... Here is the trip to Lowe's for the craft on Saturday morning. Lauren and I went this week and that was fun to watch and to snap some pictures of the boys hard at work...here is the birdhouse. (I don't have a picture of the finished product because James wanted to move on to bigger and better things i.e. shop vacs, mowers and chain saws before he was finished). Any of you surprised??? Me either... :)

Safety is #1

Hard at work

Thank you Daddy!!!!

*********Easter 2009

James wanted to get down and play with his cousins...NOT take a picture...

My parents with all 8 grandchildren...I can't believe they are sitting THIS well...

You can imagine how CRAZY things were!

Lauren enjoyed breaking open the easter eggs and finding jellybeans. In fact, she LOVED them!

James didn't really "get" or care about the whole easter egg hunt. He just meandered around looking at the eggs. I had to tell him to pick them up. Sometimes he would pick up eggs and put them in his cousins' basket...uhhh hello??? We decided to do it inside since it was a bit chilly and windy so it was tough to get pictures. There were A LOT of excited kids looking for eggs. He did manage to get some and was excited to see what was inside. He especially enjoyed the gum. This kid LOVES gum!

We had a great evening with family and enjoyed great food! Now I need to go on a post Easter/Easter candy diet! :0

I love the look on her face when she pulled easter eggs out of the basket we gave her. It was priceless. She just likes shaking them and gets a pleasant surprise when they break open and spill jellybeans....oh happy day!!!

James enjoyed his Easter basket from us. He found his "big" gift...a basketball a few days earlier and I just couldn't tell him to wait...he has thoroughly enjoyed that!

We are trying to ration out the many pounds of candy we have. James asked for it the second he got up this morning....Crazy kid...I told him he could have a piece after he ate his oatmeal and yep, it was gone in record time!



I hope you all had a Happy Easter and enjoyed time with family celebrating our risen Saviour!

A Tag....and an Update...

I've been tagged by my lovely friend Darcy and I was "supposed" to look a bit more stay-at-home-momish.....but I had been visiting a possible preschool for James earlier that day. So, I did put a bit of effort in to trying to make myself look like a presentable, put together mom! :) Hey, first impressions are important.

Here were the rules:
1. Take a picture of yourself right now. No primping or preparing. Just snap a picture.
2. Load the picture onto your blog.
3. Tag three people to play. Remember, if you are tagged on another blog, we will all be heading to yours to see if you played along.

**I don't know that many people who blog, so I'm not sure how successful this will be,

but I will try! If you read my blog...PLEASE comment so I know who you are!!!

I'm tagging Sara, Elizabeth, and Nichole. Good luck ladies!!!

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And of course a little bit of us...

Lauren turned 16 months on Friday (can hardly believe it) and here are some fun facts about her.

This is the face she ALWAYS has when she recognizes something or someone or is watching something intently. She usually starts babbling uncontrollably once this face appears.

-She is saying a lot of words like....dog, dadda, mom, dink (drink), bball, bubbles, ball, bye-bye, mama cat, bike...

Luke hears more words that she says that I do...I'm not sure why that is

-She is such a daddy's girl. She often times crawls up in Luke's lap and snuggles in with him for a while. It's the sweetest.

-She loves pizza, Popsicles, and pink lemonade.

-She LOVES to laugh...She'll do anything for a good laugh. Which also means she's a bit antagonistic.

-She pushes, pushes, and pushes...We just keep telling her we're going to keep pushing back. Yes, we are already having these conversations with our 16 month old! :/

Her new favorite "toy" is the mirror. She loves to just look at herself and make funny faces.
Then she laughs uncontrollably. It's just hilarious to watch.

Here she is kissing/licking the mirror. If she's still doing this at 13 I'm going to be concerned for the boys...

James got in on the fun too. That was even more fun to watch, but she kept pushing him

out of the way. She wanted the ENTIRE mirror to herself. Get used to it James! :)

Lowe's Project #2

Here is James' second Lowes craft. It's a yard mobile. He enjoyed making another craft and

could hardly wait until 10:00 on Saturday morning (Lowes craft time). He is anxious to get it outside and use it. He has such a great time with daddy and enjoys his weekends when we are all home together. He just asked Luke if he would go fast to work tomorrow so he could see him soon. Sweet huh???

Hey! We're havin' a good time...

Ahhh....this weather is just spectacular! It gives me/us just a glimpse of what this summer is going to be like for us! It's going to be a fun one.../You are all aware of James' love for the outdoors and Lauren seems to be more in love with being outside. It's been a little rougher as far as the temper tantrums and melt-downs go...but totally worth it! They get to run and play and jump and walk and explore....I L.O.V.E. IT! Here are just a few pictures of some fun we've had.

Lauren loves walking up and down the driveway and finding things in the grass. She seems so big and independent as I watch her outside.


This is her favorite thing to do outside...the bubble car. She loves to get in it and just sit and every now and then she enjoys being pushed around. My favorite is when James gets in on the action.
Favorite picture right here....She loves to push him in the care which just looks so funny to me. Probably because she is the little one ya know?

The Hot Rod

He still loves his bike but enjoys it most if he's wearing my sunglasses. The funny thing is, they fit his head. I always knew I had a small head, but really...he's 3...

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Fun with Daddy-doo

So, I think I'm a pretty laid back mom of a boy and I believe I let James to lots of fun things like

pick grass for his animal farm and then give him a trough of water for the animals to drink out

of (inside), let him bring in piles of wood to "start fires" and build things with...but when it comes to the fire...I'm a little more cautious. This is where Luke gets to come into the picture and be the HeRo....and quite frankly it's fun for me to sit back, watch, and smile. Although I do have moments where I have to bite my tongue because I think, "He's not really going to let him light it HIMSELF right? He's 3!?!?!?"
Here's a little fun they have been having indoors here the last several nights after Lauren

goes to bed. James thinks it just fantastic!!! They have also been cutting up wood with the chainsaw and having big fires in the garden. All of which James just lives for. Luke is a great dad for a little boy!



More Father-Son Time...

These are the days I felt like I was just waiting for as a mom. Watching Luke spend

incredible, quality time with James doing "guy stuff." And you all know James loves all the

rugged boy stuff so it works out really well! I love that James is getting the opportunity to

do some many fun, hands-on, crazy things.

Luke took James to Lowes on Saturday morning just to look around and there was a class going on for kids. So, Luke being the AMAZING father that he is, took James to it. He LOVED it (James) ! He

got a little apron, goggles, and his own hammer. All things James wears on a daily basis here anyway...now they're just his size! He loves it. He has several pieces of wood that we have always let him drill screws in or pound nails into, so having these props to go along with it was just icing on the cake.

He made a little NCAA March Madness basketball hoop which he loves because of his love

of sports and specifically basketball.Unfortunately he got so excited after showing me that as he tried to jump over it, landed on the rim and broke it. But...now it's being held together by black electrical tape. Hey, it still works!

Next weekend they will be make a mobile, so I'm sure James will just have a blast!

And just for laughs...here is a little conversation I had with James a few days ago.

James: "Can we go to Lowes?"

Me: "Why sure... I don't know why not."

James: "Oh, I just LOVE the smell of Lowes!"

Me: "Really, baby...why? What's it smell like?"

James: "It smells like shop vacs, lawn mowers, chainsaws, and snow blowers. That's what it smells like."

Me: Wow....really? Can't wait to smell that!

James: "I'm so excited to go to Lowes."

It was just priceless...really because we don't go to Lowes that often. The funny thing is when

I walked in I immediately noticed the distinct smell it does have...pretty much smells like wood to me...but bless his heart you know? He knew.....and to him it smelled like

all of his favorite things. I LOVE THAT CHILD!!!


At Work...

Still wearing the goggles upside down! :)



We are continuing to keep busy and enjoy each day and moment with our kids.
We have the same conversation almost every night...how blessed we feel for all

that we have been given...especially our kids!

Lauren- 15 months

15 MONTHS....Wow!!!

Let's just say this picture/face sums up Lauren at 15 months!!!!

Look at this little attitude! I wish I could capture all of her stares and dirty looks. She's got 4 that she uses/misuses regularly! We love her dearly, but this one his a little hot-head!!! She is happy and sweet the majority of the time, but when she doesn't get what she wants, you'd better
WATCH OUT!!!

This is her, "You are all a bunch of idiots look." Real cute huh??? :0

She is not saying a lot of words, but she loves to mimic sounds and laughs which is pretty cute. She has mastered, "hot, uh-oh, and dadda." She is just precious though. She makes many sounds and gets on her cell phone and rambles on and on, but we aren't sure what she's saying.

Other Lauren facts at 15 months:

*FOOD- this girl can out eat James and often times eats at LEAST what I do for a meal!

It's crazy!

*She loves to mimic things we do...dances, sounds, motions, and anything James does.

She tries to play with James' toys the same way he does.

*She HATES being confined. Grocery shopping is torture for all of us (other shoppers included) because she simply doesn't want to be contained. This also means she screams in the

car pretty much anytime she is in it. Booo......

*She has a little temper and is very dramatic. She swings at us (with both hands) and sometimes tries to gouge our eyes out...really...We've had to start time outs in the pack in play. Boy it's

interesting I tell ya...James was difficult in such different ways than she is....I have a feeling our

parenting is going to be much different for these two...

*She is very sweet....the majority of the time and loves to just prance around the house.

*She loves music and dancing.

*She loves being read to...a lot and anything.

*She is also very interested in animals....just like her brother.

*She doesn't enjoy her naps very much. She goes down well, but isn't sleeping

long. She averages about at hour and half (many times less) which at 15 months just simply isn't enough! She is ready to get up at P-A-R-T-Y!!!

*She LOVES the people she loves....she just melts when she gets to spend

time with the grandparents and loves to be with Luke. She loves to snuggle

and is always up for lots of affection.

Well, that's our not-so-baby girl in a nutshell! We just adore her!